“Love is in the Air”… in the words of the song by Australian rock singer John Paul Young. But what does love actually look like in the brain? A great documentary on the chemistry of love was shown in Sixty Minutes last week - and definately worth watching! 

Every relationship experiences conflict and periods of alienation, but the difference between the masters and disasters is their ability to repair...

Dr. John Gottman

I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. John Gottman at the “Happiness and its Causes” 2009 Conference in Sydney. He shared with us one of the secrets to long lasting love. It is about the ratio between positive and negative emotions during conflict. For couples to live happily ever after this ratio has to be five positive emotions to one negative emotion. The emotion of contempt (while we are arguing with our loved one) is the one that erodes love the most – according to Dr. Gottman.

As I was thinking about romantic love, it is possible that a similar ratio may need to be maintained if we want healthy relationships with our children, business colleagues and friends. Noticing our emotions when we are having an argument, for example, is one of the best ways to start. If we notice what we are feeling, we can manage the emotion more effectively without letting it affect the other person.

For those who have children and like reading, I recommend reading “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” by Dr. John Gottman. This book contains valuable information regarding emotional self awareness and self management.

Originally posted on: 27 May 2010
Last updated on: 23 April 2024
Silvia Damiano

Silvia Damiano

Founder & CEO
About my Brain Institute

Scientist, educator, author, speaker, coach, award-winning leadership specialist, filmmaker and creator of the i4 Neuroleader Model & Methodology.

Silvia's scientific background and curiosity about the human brain led her to a decade long journey of research into optimal brain functioning and the application of neuroscience in leadership and daily life. Her past and current roles have uniquely prepared her for the current undertaking, that of leadership activist & change agent.

Silvia Damiano founded The About my Brain Institute in 2009, with the purpose of democratising leadership & neuroscience. She has a passionately held belief, that leaders in our 21st century global economy and their organisations must radically change long-held ideas of what constitutes effective leadership

In her ground-breaking books ‘Leadership is Upside Down’, ‘Brain-Friendly Leadership’ and the 2018 documentary ‘Make Me A Leader’, Silvia provides both compelling evidence and explores the importance of leadership in our personal and professional lives and what it takes to develop the human behind the leader.

Silvia has worked in different countries, across many industries, helping teams and organisations improve business performance. Silvia’s clients have described her as a passionate, dynamic, a highly experienced speaker and master facilitator on the topics of Emotional Intelligence, Cultural Change, Neuroleadership & Engagement.

Silvia is passionate about leaving a legacy of well-rounded leaders who can act and decide in a way that better serves humanity. Her clients include Microsoft, Australian Stock Exchange, NSW Government, VISA, Fuji Xerox and Manpower amongst many other global companies.

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